2019: Introspection, Tears and Future


‘A picture is worth a thousand words’. And, words encapsulate life.

It’s 31 Dec 2019, and my usual ritual of a customary recap of the previous year is now like a Netflix series – a recurring, never ending one, that is.

2019 will go down as one of the most enterprising ones in my life. And, also the most tragic one.

Enterprising, as I went in to a planning and retrospective mode, torrentially at the same time. Not typically me, but I guess I had too many errands running in my mind and was hell bent to rewrite my future with a pen and paper of my own (not really, I used my MacBook 😀). Nothing so far, but I am confident to reshape my future. Shortly.

Watching my son grow is a delight. The charming fella keeps both of us on our toes, and his smile has become the definition of our lives. He will be 4 next month and we have mixed feelings. We don’t want him to grow up at all, with his ever beautiful smile just frozen over the colourful walls of our lives, forever. On the other hand, we are super excited to watch him grow up, watch him talk with those cutely etched words, his naughtiness in everything he does is so adorable and watchable. We are trying to the best for him, the best that we could ever give to anyone else in our lives. Beings parents to such a lovely boy is a blessing, and parenthood has never looked so seamlessly difficult and endearing.

2019 was also one of the most painful for me. I lost my best friend, my brother, someone with whom I have shared a sibling like relationship for years and I can only talk to him in a way that only we knew was ever possible. We will die one day, it’s inevitable and is as much a reality as life is. But, to lose someone so young and in few minutes without offering an opportunity to reach out for help was devastating. I am still grieving, and am moving on. But, what has descended upon his family is nothing short of an enormous tragedy that is unexplainable in words and emotions. His loss reminded me, rather shook me very hard, to say that life’s fleeting nature could be associated with such inexplicable events. I still don’t believe he is not with us, and I believe that he is very near to me, watching me, smiling at me and just almost ready to kick off a conversation, just like we usually do. Friend, Brother – I miss you. Life will never be the same without you.

Resolutions? Nah. I have never been a person of resolutions, really. I have always been an instinctive person and would like to remain that way. But yes, I would want to see that everyone around me remains healthy, and sound. I have been very inconsistent with my writing this year, largely remained distracted with other necessary evils. I would like to change that this year, I have a couple of short stories up my sleeve and would like to complete them before moving on to newer ventures.

I am rounding it off with few pictures of 2019, the ones that inspired and fascinated me to capture them.

Adios, 2019!

Published by msksmiles

Flamboyance meets me, and I could be contagiously luring. It kind of comes off in my writing, as my stories of passion and indulgence unfold.

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